Striving to be God-focused/Not self-focused

Well, it’s been one month since I last wrote. I have been to four appointments at MotionCare and my neck has been significantly better. (Until yesterday morning that is). I woke up yesterday with soreness in my neck and back for the first time since going to this clinic. I’ve been raving to everyone I meet with neck or back pain that this is the first place I’ve been to in 15+ years that has made a significant difference. I do still believe it's better though because the pain I’ve had isn’t as intense as usual and bizarrely enough, the pain is in different areas. For years I would use my TheraCane to do “trigger point” therapy on myself and the trigger points were always in the same places. But now they’re in a different area and the pain seems more manageable. Plus I’m down to 10mg of my Amitriptyline, which is also very significant. I hesitate to go off the Amitriptyline completely because it has helped my allergies SO much and the diff. allergy meds I tried while off the Amitrip. caused side effects that were very annoying. And also the fact that night time has always been my worst pain times and I take this pill at night.

I’ve been on the 10mg dose now for about 3-4 wks, and have only lost about 2-3 lbs. I actually did lose 5 lbs in the first 2 wks by eating very moderately and exercising regularly, but once again I found myself sliding into a pattern of striving to lose weight for the sake of looking good instead of seeking to glorify God by taking care of my body, and I ended up gaining some back. :-/ There is a great tension there between the motives for me, and they seem to fluctuate back and forth. I’ve realized that I will probably never have perfect motives in this life, but I refuse to give in to this incessant flesh! What is it about the sinful nature that SO longs to look great in front of others (physically, intellectually…etc)? I have visions of Satan wanting the other angels to worship Him instead of God. I’m not saying that we all necessarily want others to “worship” us, but aren’t all self-centered, self-focused motives an attempt to take glory away from God and divert it to ourselves? My greatest desire is that God would simply continue to decrease my self-obsession and increase my Christ-obsession, for His glory and for what I KNOW is my overwelming joy! And I have confidence that He will!

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." - Philippians 1:6