God's Sovereignty Over Suffering

I woke up in the middle of the night early last week and I couldn't move my neck. The pain was excruciating. I was able to lay back down and fall asleep but whenever I woke up I could barely move, the pain was so bad. It became so bad in recent days that I couldn't sleep on either side and only on my back for an hour or two at a time without shooting pain. I believe I had (have) multiple muscle spasms in my neck, but am thinking something else might be wrong as well. On top of this, I started working full-time last Monday and so I dragged myself to work each day, popping pain killers and putting a heating pad on during the day at work.

This kind of pain isn't something that I'm unfamiliar with. I've had neck/back problems for the past 15-20 years, and have been to numerous chiropractors, and even did a few months of physical therapy at Sister Kenny Institute about two years ago. But this has probably been the worst because of the intensity and the fact that it doesn't seem to be going away. I had to call in sick on Monday so I could go to the doctor. He gave me some muscle relaxants and pain pills and scheduled an MRI of my neck for this Friday.

Which brings me to my point on God's sovereignty over suffering. It is such a comfort to me to know that God is sovereign over my pain. And I don't just mean that He can heal me if He wants, but rather that He is ordaining/allowing this for my ultimate good (Romans 8:28), my ultimate sanctification, and for His glory. And that this is not just some random occurance based on the condition of muscles, connective tissue and nerves throughout my body, (though that is most probably the second cause of my pain) but that God is the ultimate cause, working it for good.

"Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good." - 1 Peter 4:19

"Who has spoken and it came to pass unless the LORD commanded it. Is it not from the Most High that good and bad happen?" - Lamentations 3:37-38

"....we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." - Romans 5:3-5

I want to write more on God's sovereignty through suffering, but my time is limited, so I'll write more next time.

"They will all be taught of God" - John 6

I just have to give a link to John Piper's sermon from this past Sunday because it is so tied to his sermon the week before, which I already posted. Really, he's going through the whole book of John and I encourage any reading this to watch the series. You can just click on my Desiring God link at the right and look under "sermons". Here is last weeks sermon though. His interpretation of the text is just not what the vast majority of us grew up learning in church. Very eye-opening.

"There go I but by the grace of God"

I was thinking about this phrase as I was writing my last post. We’ve all heard this phrase. But have you ever really thought about it? When we look at people we know who are lost in sin and refuse to repent and trust in Jesus Christ for salvation, can we honestly say, (and believe) “There go I but by the grace of God”? Do we believe in our hearts that it’s God’s grace that has made the difference in our lives - that it’s because of His grace that I’m going to heaven and that person is not (unless they come to trust in Jesus)? Or do we believe God gives equal grace to all and that the person’s “decision” is what really makes the difference between one going to heaven or hell? One produces an attitude of deep sympathy for people who don’t know Christ because that was me! The other produces an attitude of wondering what in the world is wrong with “other people” that they refuse to humble themselves and turn to Christ. One produces a deep thankfulness to God for what He alone has done. The other produces a more shallow thankfulness for what He and I have done. One produces humility. The other produces pride.

What do I mean by saying "God sovereignly saved me"?

I was talking to a family member recently who does not believe that the Bible teaches God’s sovereignty in saving sinners. At least not in the way that I believe it teaches it. In-fact, I’ve had many conversations with people over the past several years, (since I’ve come to believe what I do) who do not agree with me. I’ve already talked about how my understanding God’s sovereignty in my own salvation has dramatically impacted me. It has driven my faith so much deeper as I’ve come to understand the depth of my own sin and the heights of God’s initial and sustaining grace (in Christ) toward me, and I’ve seen it do the same to others. But ultimately what matters is not how I or anyone else feels about something, but whether or not the Bible teaches it. And because I believe the Bible does in-fact teach this, it's my desire to go into more detail about what I mean when I say that "God sovereignly saved me," in the hopes that someone reading this would also be greatly impacted by these truths, and that God would be glorified by receiving credit for what He alone does in the lives of sinners.

Basically here's what I mean: Scripture teaches that all people are sinners (Romans 3:23). And that, because of our sin, we do not seek, but instead turn away from God (Psalm 14:2; Romans 3:10-11). It teaches that we, in-fact, hate the light (Jesus) and do not come to it because we love our sin (John 3:19-21). Jesus Himself said to his own brothers, “The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify about it that its works are evil.” (John 7:7). So the question becomes: If that's so, then how/why is it that some people actually do come to Jesus in faith? Some would say that God draws all people equally and then each person decides whether or not to turn to Jesus in faith. They would say that without this "drawing" by Jesus, nobody would come to Him and that's what these verses mean. I don't believe Scripture teaches this. I believe it teaches that God saves us by His particular and sovereign grace. That He chooses us based on nothing that we do and nothing good that He sees in us (including a good decision).

Coincidentally, just yesterday, our Pastor preached a sermon on John 6:44. In this passage, Jesus says (to the Jews who were grumbling about what Jesus was telling them), “Do not grumble among yourselves. No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him.” Since I believe that truly understanding what Jesus means here will HUGELY impact your life, I encourage you to watch the video (click here) of him preaching this sermon. And I hope and pray you’ll be blessed by it.

What We Love/Treasure/Crave/Desire Most

I’ve been learning a lot lately about the desires of my heart. I’m amazed at the intensity of human cravings/desires in general. We all have them. We’re like appetite machines from the time we’re born. And even if the Bible didn’t confirm it, it’s obvious that we are born worshippers. Everybody worships something. In the Old and New Testaments non-Jews (and some Jews) worshipped statues of their man-made gods. Many people in the world still do this, but most Americans don’t. We’re more sophisticated than that. We don’t worship statues, we worship (passionately desire more than anything) money, career, food, sex, drugs, body (fitness), sports, celebrities, tv/entertainment, relationships, family, or many other things. When I think back to my teenage years, it’s easy to identify my heart’s cravings:

1. Love and attention (basically I worshipped “me” - and looked to
guys and people in general to meet this craving)
2. Beauty (ultimately hoping if I were beautiful, it would bring more of #1)
3. Man’s praise (which is really just another way of saying #1 - (self-worship)
4. Entertainment (t.v., movies - distractions from the stress of real life)

These things are not bad in themselves. It’s the intense craving for these things that made them wrong. And as I moved into adulthood, they remained pretty much the same, but “food” was also added to the list. Only in the past 9 years has God really opened my eyes to my sin and the absolute deficiency of all of these things, and the worthiness, beauty and satisfaction of Jesus Christ. In recent years I have (with increasing joy) come to see the Truth of Philippians 3:8:

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.”

I haven’t suffered the loss of all things as the Apostle Paul did, but as I read, hear and study God’s Word, I increasingly understand the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, and that He truly is worth suffering the loss of all things for. Fifteen years ago I would have thought (but not said) that reading my Bible and going to church were boring. I did them out of duty, not desire.

When Nicodemus (a religious ruler of the Jews) went to Jesus and said to Him, "Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him,” Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3) Knowing, following and loving Jesus (being a Christian) isn’t about knowing some facts about Him, following rules or going to church, it’s about being born again by God’s Spirit, having our eyes opened and our hearts changed, coming to Jesus by faith and growing in our understanding of Him, and our love and desire for Him. It’s gradual for sure, and I still struggle with these competing desires, but more and more I’m seeing Christ as the Treasure that He is.

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” - Matthew 13:44

Understanding My Sinfulness

Simon, the Pharisee (Jewish religous leader), had invited Jesus to his house to eat with him and while there, a woman (a sinner, it states) came to Jesus and, as she wiped his feet with her hair and anointed them with ointment, she wept. Well, Simon was indignant that Jesus would associate with such a sinner. Part of Jesus' answer to Simon was, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little." - Luke 7:47

It wasn't that Simon's sins were not that great and this woman's sins were. The point here is that the woman understood what a sinner she was, and therefore, knowing who Jesus was, and that through Him was forgiveness of sin, she loved Him very much. Simon, on the other hand, didn't see himself as very sinful at all, and therefore he loved Jesus very little.

In my last post I shared that understanding God's sovereignty in my own salvation was one way that my love for Him has grown. When I began to see the Biblical reality of God's electing grace, that He chose me, and that if He hadn't I would never have come to Him in faith, the depth of my own sin became clearer. But another thing that helped me to see the depth of my sin was God's law (the 10 commandments) and Jesus' expansion on this in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7. I'll give a brief over-view and close with some final comments.

1. You shall have no other gods before me
2. You shall not make yourself a carved image or bow down to it
3. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy
5. Honor your father and your mother
6. You shall not murder
7. You shall not commit adultery
8. You shall not steal
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
10. You shall not covet anything that is your neighbors

As I studied the 10 commandments, and Jesus words in the Sermon on the Mount, I realized that I had broken every single one of them repeatedly. I began to see the depth of my sin, which increased my understanding of God's grace in sending Christ to take the punishment for the sins I committed. Most of us think that we're not that bad. We compare ourselves to really bad people, like Hitler or Saddam Hussein, and we think we're not really so bad. We think maybe God is going to grade us (judge us) on the curve. Not so. Jesus said that if we are angry with our brother, we will be liable to judgment. If we say, "You fool!" we are liable to the hell of fire (Matthew 5:22) He said that if we sexually lust after someone other than our spouse, we are guilty of adultery. God will not judge based on deeds only. He will judge thoughts, words and deeds.

If I added up all the times I broke the first commandment alone (not loving God every single day of my life above everything else in my life), my sin record is overwhelming (and that's not even touching the other nine). As the magnitude of my sin has become clearer, the magnitude of God's grace in Jesus Christ, and my need for Jesus has become clearer, and my love for Him has increased greatly.

"Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."- Romans 5:20

God's Sovereignty

One of the things I've learned in the past 5-6 years that has humbled me and grown my faith in Christ a lot is coming to understand the Biblical truth of God's Sovereignty in every area of life, and particularly in my own salvation. Looking back at my belief system before my insomnia episode, I think that a very big part of the reason that I didn't think that God was really in tune with me and what I was going through is because I didn't understand His sovereignty in my being saved. I thought of the gospel call as sort of this impersonal offer going out to all people everywhere, and whoever decided to believe it and receive it would have eternal life.

Now, while there's definately truth to that. The thing that I didn't understand back then was that the Bible makes it clear that aside from God's Spirit working in us, none of us would turn to Jesus and receive Him by faith, and so God is very intentional in His grace toward sinners.

"The Lord looks down from heaven on the children of man to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one." -Psalm 14:2

"And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, but people loved the darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light lest his deeds should be exposed." - John 3:19-20

There is so much Scripture that speaks of our rebellion, and the fact that none of us would choose to turn to Christ unless a work of grace on God's part takes place first. In the next verse (21) of the John passage I just quoted, John says:

"But whoever does what is true, comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his deeds have been carried out in God."

It was when I began to truly grasp how personal and intentional this was on God's part that my faith in Christ and all His promises has grown, including the promise to bring to completion the salvation that He began in me (Phil 1:6).

This was a very eye-opening experience for me. At first I didn't think it fair on God's part. But as I studied Scripture, I began to see how truly depraved we are as sinners, and that it is God's sheer grace that saves any of us.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ...even as he chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world."- Eph 1:3-4

"You did not choose me, but I chose you." - John 15:16

Age 33 - What Happened?

pre-post note:
Okay, I've decided to disable the comments on my blog because, well, if I don't see comments, I feel like nobody's reading, and if I feel like nobody's reading, I'm less motivated to post. But, I do appreciate all the encouraging e-mails that I've gotten and please feel free to e-mail anytime. And I will just keep plugging away and hope that some of you will tune in from time to time and be blessed (even if it's just my own kids. hehe).

Okay, what happened at age 33? Well, as I said below, I may have been a bonafide Christian, but if so, my faith was very very weak. Because in the year 2000, I went through a very dark time that left me feeling pretty scared and hopeless. Shortly after we moved to a new home, I experienced the worst insomnia I had ever had before in my life, (I had problems with this in the past) that left me unable to sleep for approx. 2 1/2 months. It is quite a long story actually, too long to post here, but basically what happened is, after trying everything I could think of to make myself fall asleep, (books, friends, relaxation techniques, doctors, sleeping pills) I ended up with severe anxiety and depression (who wouldn't be depressed after not sleeping for 75 days?)

When I look back, I see the grace of God at work. Because even though I prayed and cried out to Him during this time (all night sometimes), my real faith was in "me" finding the right cure for my insomnia. It wasn't that I had no faith that God "could" take this away, but I didn't really believe in my heart of hearts that He was really that in tune to what was going on with me and my puny life, and that He cared so much that He would intervene. But He did, BIG TIME. As I said, it's too long to explain it all, but when I finally got to the end of my options (because nothing was working), and had no where else to turn to but God, He showed up and began to show me how much He really did care and how all-powerful He really is. And I came out of this experience with faith like I'd never had before, and this faith has continued to grow over the past 10 years.

Now some people have told me they thought this was my point of conversion because this was also the point where I really began to understand that God's grace and love, (through what Christ accomplished at the cross) were free and unconditional. Before this, I so often felt like God was angry with me much of the time. But this experience left me feeling very free from this (though God has shown me very clearly that He also loves me too much to let me remain in sin and will discipline when necessary). Others have thought that I was a believer before age 33 but that I was probably just a baby Christian with very weak faith. I don't know. But I do know that I am sooo incredibly thankful to God for allowing this experience to bring about faith or to grow my faith deeply, because I have never been the same since.

When did I become a Christian?

It's funny, I was at the grocery store yesterday and I went up to a man in a shirt and tie, (thinking he was the manager - he looked manager(ly)) to ask him a question about produce (btw: sweet potatoes are not the same as yams in case you were wondering), and he said he wasn't the manager, but he was a pastor of a local church and he gave me a tract. We talked briefly and he asked me how long I had been a Christian. And this segues nicely into my next topic...

I told him I wasn't 100% sure when, but I know for sure that I have been saved from age 33. I may have been saved when I was younger. I made many professions of faith. I even had an episode at age 19 after living in blatant sin for a long time, where I cried out to the Lord and repented of my sin. It changed my life big time for about one year. I look back on that and think that it's very possible that my heart was like the rocky or thorny soil that Jesus talked about in the Parable of the Sower (Matthew 13). I fell away and didn't bear any lasting fruit.

But in 2000, a life-changing experience happened to me that forever changed my relationship with God. And since then I have steadily grown in my desire and love for Christ (though sometimes it has felt like 3 steps forward and 2 steps back). But whenever it was that I was born again and truly trusted in Christ, one thing is for sure: It is He who pursued me, not the other way around. I am amazed as I look back at my life to see His sovereign hand directing circumstances in my life, and bringing me to know Him as the supreme treaure that He is.

So, I don't know for sure when I became a Christian. But I praise God that I am, and that He opened my eyes, as He did my mom's, to see the truth and beauty of Jesus Christ and all that He accomplished for me at the cross.

God's Amazing Grace

As I've gotten older, I marvel more and more at the grace of God in my life. This blog is all about God's grace. It's mostly about what He has done and is doing in my life, and what He has taught and is teaching me. But I'll start by marveling at God's grace reaching out to my mom when I was probably 4 or 5 years old. She was about 32 years old and was involved in the Catholic Church at the time. And by her own admition, she had no understanding of the gospel of Christ when God showed up and removed the blindness from her eyes so that she could see, for the first time, the truth and beauty of the gospel. The truth that she was a sinner, and that all the good deeds she did in the church, or anywhere else for that matter, could do nothing to save her because God is righteous, holy and just, and therefore must punish sinners. And that He requires that we also be holy and righteous in order to come near Him and spend eternity with Him in heaven. And she learned that Jesus came into the world to save sinners, like her, and that He lived the perfect, obedient life that she couldn't, and that He willingly layed down His life at the cross, shed His blood, and took the punishment for sin that she deserved. And that upon faith in Jesus Christ, she could be forgiven of all her sin and receive His righteousness, ("God made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that in him, we might become the righteounses of God." -2 Corinthians 5:21) and enjoy fellowship with Him for all eternity. And during this time, she put her trust in Jesus and began to grow in her love for Him as she began to read and study the Bible for the first time.

I marvel at God's grace in my mom's life, because His grace was poured out on me through His grace to her. And the seeds that she sowed in my life, He sovereignly used to bring me to Himself. I will write more later on how He has worked in my life, and what I have learned and am learning, but I wanted to give this background and praise God for His grace toward my mom.